8We are hedged in on every side [troubled and oppressed in every way], but not cramped or crushed; we suffer embarrassments and are perplexed and unable to find a way out, but not driven to despair; 9We are pursued (persecuted and hard driven), but not deserted [to stand alone]; we are struck down to the ground, but never struck out and destroyed…” 2 Cor 4:8-9 (Amplified Version)
In southern Sudan, the heat would often soar to an oppressive 115 degrees. By day 6, the heat was no longer a conversation piece. It was too hot to waste words. The stress of a week of heat, crowds that never thinned and diseases that eluded us began to take its toll. On the next to last day of clinic, 100 patients were turned away because the time to be seen had run out. I was careless; I walked to camp, seeking solitude at the close of the day, instead of waiting for the truck. I stopped twice along the short trek, sure that I would not have the energy to finish the walk in the heat. I collapsed on my bunk, too dizzy and tired too drink the warm, gritty water that was to sustain me.
It was only 2 days until my departure back to Nairobi – why did things suddenly seem so bleak? So HARD? The mission was almost finished! I should have been joyful!
Nearing the summit of your goal is hard – the environment gets more hostile, obstacles seem to loom larger than before, the nay-sayers voices are louder and frustration is easy. You thought you would be sliding into home; instead you realize that in front of the plate is a Goliath that was not anticipated. There is no better time to abandon a project than in the eleventh hour. I think that if there is anything that cause the Devil more satisfaction than keeping people from trying it’s getting them to start and then just give up!
I have been preparing to move to Africa, to work as a missionary physician in Kenya for over a year now. FOURTEEN MONTHS of talking, planning, reading, studying. And now I am one week from my departure. Sliding into home? More like slamming into a million Goliaths! Excited? Mostly tired and irritated!
I am bombarded with paperwork that was incorrect, rejected and lost. I have a fort of bags that are too heavy – thus are packed, unpacked, repacked and ill-packed. A house that won’t sell. A mortgage that won’t refinance. A permanent address in one state, a driver’s license in another state and I live in my car.
I am confident that if Lot had had to fill out some of this paperwork, he would have never made it out of S&G.
The road is harsh when the goal is near. The tendrils of doubt combine with the distractions and frustrations and the Devil so strategically often places the Last Exit at this point.
But I am not alone. And there was a reason I started this journey 14 months ago. My purpose and calling have not changed. I am distracted at times, but not de-toured. Through the irritation and tears, I have come to rely more heavily upon His grace and have found that He has not forgotten me. Unprompted and undeserved, there are blessings that to light my path – and so, I continue on - trusting in His wisdom, having faith in His love, and learning from His word:
The end of a thing is better than its beginning; the patient in spirit better than the proud…
Ecc7:8
Prayer requests: Safe travel for myself and Teddy...and our belongings. Maintenance of my sanity. Good thanksgiving fellowship with family and friends. Good airport karma.
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