I decided to quit today.
After weeks of not enough sleep, patients dying, equipment breaking, staff complaints and co-workers being less than supportive, I couldn't take it anymore. The decision came quietly, like a small sigh of defeat and I just decided I would finish the case I was doing and just leave. I didn't yell, didn't share my thoughts with anyone, just kept working but felt very good about my plan.
But when I finished, I realized I was supposed to do a lunch lecture for the interns. That seemed easy enough, so I went. While I was there, the two who were covering the OB floor had arranged some cases and they needed me to supervise. They were really on top of it and I hated to screw up their day. So I staffed the more difficult case.
While I supervised, the anesthetist kept telling me jokes making fun of general surgeons. I laughed and felt better. Then I told him some jokes, too.
Then I was ready to leave. But first one of the staff took me aside. She handed me a bag and said it was a gift. Inside was a pineapple. She said that she brought it because she knew I was having a very hard month.
And so...let me tell you something. Someone close to you may have decided to quit today. You can give them the strength to hold on by doing your job well, making them smile or giving a gift of appreciation. I am learning that it is the small things in life that make or break the day.
I have to get ready for tomorrow. I am working....
"Like a bridge over troubled water......I will ease your mind."
--Bridge Over Troubled Water
Hey there,
ReplyDeletePaul Jarrett shared your blog with me and I have been so blessed by you sharing your experience at Tenwek and by you sharing your heart! I have not taken the time to respond to you but your last post convicted me to tell you that I have been praying for you...especially since Paul's stroke in December. My husband is a general surgeon and we have been to Tenwek 3 times over the past few years. Paul and Marty were missionary role models for us. Thankful for you and your willingness to be the hands and feet of the Lord at Tenwek. I know He will give you the stamina, wisdom and joy to continue in the midst of all the turmoil. His anchor is secure even in the midst of the strongest storm. Praising Him for the storms that show how strong and faithful He is!!
Tell Paul "hello" from the Ruckers!
Joy,
Lorraine
Jer. 29:11 Zephaniah 3:17
Dear Ruckers: Thank you so much for you kind words and prayers! Knowing that I have the prayer warriors "out there" that I may not even know, but my Father hears, inspires me to keep my chin up!
DeleteI can only imagine which one it was, Shadrack, Jackson, Stanley, Collins. Tell them I say "Habari..." Hope the pineapple was sweet. :)
ReplyDeletePraise the Lord for encouragement at just the right time.
ReplyDeleteI remember when I was in Kenya a day when I was so discouraged, absolutely could do no more and was just about ready to completely give up. My pastor and some other church leaders came to visit that afternoon and literally rescued me from despair.
Peace, joy and hope to you as you serve.
Sarah: Thanks for reading and for the words of encouragement. It is easy to become convinced that we are ALONE in our frustration, when in truth it is very human. The super- human (God-inspired) part is to ride the frustration to peace. May God bless you and your family.
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